I didn’t realize that I had another refill left on my anxiety medication,
so I’ve been without it for a bit and started going through “withdrawal symptoms” on Saturday,
and it’s still going on.
I feel like absolute shit, it sucks
Man, take it from me.
I sometimes confused people as to whether or not I was a girl or a guy.
I used to have people in high school think I was a ‘dyke’.
I gained a ton of weight in my face, legs and even tummy when I got diabetes.
I binge ate due to depression and hated myself immensely for it.
I used to look at my body in the mirror and fucking cry because I hated what I saw so much.
I was truly disgusted looking at myself.
I would see pictures of gorgeous, flawless girls with the perfect smile, nice makeup that made their eyes pop, perfect hair that they didn’t have to do anything to, cute clothes, and phenomenal looking bodies.
The biggest mistake I did was dwell on what I just mentioned above. Be depressed and sad about it, but never lift my ass up to try and make a change.
It took a lot of years of fucking hating myself to hear that little voice in my head that said “HEY LEANNE. Wake the FUCK up because you can fix a lot of those things if you wanted to”
Let me tell you,
Last year, Warped Tour 2013, was the first time I wore a dress out in a public place without trying to cover myself up with a jacket or cardigan, or wear leggings underneath it. It felt great.
And since then, I’ve purchased a few summer dresses that I’m practically in love with and I can’t wait until it’s summer so I can wear them.
I joined Goodlife after years of telling my mom I didn’t want to go with her, when all she asked me to do was walk on the treadmill. I felt extremely intimidated by the gym. Felt like I would look ridiculous not knowing what I was doing. I finally decided that enough was enough, and I reached out to some people for help. It’s hard for me to notice the changes in myself sometimes, but my clothes tell the difference. I bought a whole bunch of brand new pairs of shorts last summer, NONE of them fit me. I had a few tops that were really fitting, and now they’re a lot looser. I go at least 5 times a week if I’m not sick, or feeling awful. It was really hard to commit and get myself to go as often as that, but the gym is a place where I know I will feel okay. Even if I moan and groan and don’t want to get my ass up, get ready, and go… when I get there I’m really glad I did.
I’m even trying something new out with my hair this week.
All in all, my main point of all of this is…
If you struggle with self image (And I still do)…